Lucid Dreaming
by Selene467
Summary: Post KH3! SPOILERS! Riku dreams of Sora but even that moment of happiness he won't allow himself.


**Hello and welcome. This is my first attempt at writing for KH and also for writing not only Romance but a Male/Male relationship. I've read a lot of those but never wrote any. But KH3 gave me all the feels and I'm obsessed with this pairing, so I thought why not jump into this dangerous pool and try to tread water.**  
**Please be kind and respectful and join me in KH angst!**

**Be warned this story has no happy ending but if I can manage something, I intend to give it one. For now though this is all that came out of my head.**

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The feel of someone's lips against his own woke him up. The lips moved to kiss his nose, both his eyes and once on his forehead. Riku let himself be soothed by the gentle kisses, the tension he always carried within him releasing with a satisfied sigh. The calmer he became, the more aware he was of his surroundings.

A gentle breeze caressed his skin and hair; the sound of waves breaking gently on the shore; the soft yet coarse sand under his fingers. He noticed he was laying down on his back and a familiar weight was settled on top of him. Fingers ran through his hair followed by lips on his neck, their warmth sending shivers through his body.

Riku wished to drown in this feeling but his brain had to state the obvious. "I'm dreaming." He could feel Sora's smile on his neck. "You sound disappointed." Sora pulled back enough to look him in the eye. "Would you prefer to have a nightmare?"

_Of course not, _is what Riku meant to say. Instead he reached up to gently tug on one of the spikes of hair. "I miss you." It was said in barely a whisper, but no matter how far Sora was, he always heard him.

The brunette leaned forward, catching Riku in a soft yet deep kiss that left him chasing after those lips when they eventually pulled back once more to look him in the eyes. "I'm right here."

Riku just stared into those blue eyes, drinking it all in like a man dying of thirst in a desert. Sora just looked back at him, holding quite still and showing a patience not usually found in the excited youth. But when it was just them, Sora trusted him with the more vulnerable side of him, the part he hid away so as not to worry or disappoint his friends. Feeling suddenly too choked up to speak, Riku just ran his fingers through Sora's spikes enjoying the sight and feel of Sora leaning into the touch.

The moment was broken when his words tumbled out in a near broken sob without his consent, his feelings not able to be contained as grief bubbled upwards. "I want you back." Sora just leaned forwards, gently placing his forehead against Riku's, his breathing slow and deep. "I'm not going anywhere."

The telltale signs of tears warned Riku of the loss of his tight control. He was always defenceless against Sora. His eyes pricked and his throat clogged up and his mind screamed at him how unfair it all was. Sora should be here. Riku wanted him here, needed him here!

"But you're already gone, Sora." It came out barely coherent, his body shaking with grief. Riku slammed his hands over his eyes trying a futile effort to contain the tears. One hand touched the side of his face, the other his neck. He could feel Sora shift as he leaned forward into his space. Lips barely brushed over his own before a whisper escaped between them. "I'm right here, Riku. Just be here with me. Let it go."

But he couldn't do that. How could he?! This was a dream. This wasn't real. This wasn't even Sora, not _really._ No matter where he looked or dreamed. He couldn't find him. He couldn't find Sora and it was all his fault! He should have stopped him, should have done something?!

Hands suddenly tugged on his arms, trying to get him to stop hiding behind his hands. It wasn't the gentle tugging, the coaxing Sora usually did in his dreams. There was an undercurrent of urgency that unsettled him enough to look at Sora.

Frantic eyes met his and before Riku could react, Sora surged forewards in a searing kiss that left both of them gasping for air. "Stay here with me, Riku. Please just stay with me." Sora was begging him, his voice no longer soothing but urgent and pitched in fear.

Sora should not be afraid. It felt wrong and Riku hated it. He wanted to make him happy, to see that bright smile he could never get enough of, watch him bounce on his feet in excitement or relax into his side half asleep and content. But never afraid.

Was Sora afraid where he was now? Was he alone? Was he hurt? What if Riku never found him?! Would Sora never come back to him?!

Abruptly the weight of Sora lifted as the brunette scrambled off him in clear distress now. He pulled at his spikes as he turned around before turning almost feverish eyes on Riku. "You have to stop this!" It took a moment for Riku to understand what Sora was referring to. But then he became aware of his surroundings a second time abruptly sitting up.

The gentle breeze was replaced with gale winds suddenly blowing his hair in complete disarray and nearly toppling him on his back again. The waves that so gently kissed the shoreline, now crashed violently onto the beach and the comfortable sand felt like sandpaper scraping across his skin.

Riku stood up, bracing against the wind as he turned towards Sora. "What's going on?!" Sora didn't answer him, he just surged forwards and embraced him tightly, whispering in his ear. "Stay with me. Be with me. Don't go there. Let it go." It only confused Riku's already scrambled brain. "I am here...aren't I?"

"You need to stop thinking, Riku. I'm here. I'm right here. Be here with me."

Oh how he wanted to give in. Like all the other nights he'd dreamed of Sora. To just stop thinking, stop worrying and just take what happiness he could find, even if it wasn't real. But he couldn't this time. Once the thought was there, it wa simpossible to uproot. This was a dream. This wasn't real. This Sora was a fake. It wasn't the same as the real thing, but he feared he'd never get to have the real Sora again.

"Riku..." Sora's voice was heartbroken and it tore something inside him. "You're turning me into a nightmare."

Now he understood what was happening. The shift in the environment of the dream, Sora's distress... Riku's thoughts were affecting the dream, destroying the last bit of happiness he could find these days. "I'm sorry, Sora." Riku hugged him back. It was the only thing he could do because he couldn't go back to that happy feeling in the beginning of his dream. The moment was gone and all that was left was his grief.

"No, Riku! Stay with me! Be _here_ with me! Stay with_...stay...stay...stay...why...why didn't you make me stay? _

_Sora pulled away and Riku recoiled at the red glare in those blue orbs, the venom in his voice. "Why didn't you stop me?! Why did you let me go! It's all your fault. I'm lost and broken. You _broke _me, Riku! You KILLED ME!_

Riku jolted upright in his bed, convinced his heart had stopped beating. He struggled to get control of his breathing, stumbling out of bed and nearly faceplanting on the ground. He was awake, back in his room in the Mysterious Tower of Master Yen Sid. The Waking World. The world without Sora.

This time he didn't fight the grief. He just let it out and curled into a ball on the ground as the tears flowed freely from his eyes, hidden by the darkness in the privacy of his room.

_the end...for now_


End file.
